Energy vampires

What are energy vampires?

Your day started normally, and you were in a good mood. Then this person arrives and after a conversation with them, your mood goes skydiving and you feel like you need a nap or to eat something sweet. Now, everybody needs to vent out to someone from time to time, but if this is a frequent/only scenario when that person engages you, then you have encountered an energy vampire.

So, energy vampires are individuals who behave and communicate in a way that leaves others feeling exhausted or stressed, and they do so on a regular basis. They feed on other’s emotional energy, and for that purpose they tend to target individuals who are especially caring and sympathetic, willing to listen to anyone who has a problem.

How do they pull it off?

Whether they do it consciously or not, energy vampires tend to use certain manipulative strategies to keep their victims close by. Depending on the willingness of the victim and nature of the relationship, these strategies can take different forms and progression.

• Play on kindness

Most of the time, they play on people’s kindness and their inability to say no. This is the simplest way to get the attention they need, and sufficient enough unless the victim starts to show signs of struggle.

• Blame

When people begin to realize what is happening to them and start making excuses, the energy vampire might take the next step and start playing the blame game. They make the victim feel guilty because they don’t want to hear about their problems and give them their time and attention. This is a powerful strategy, being how victims tend to be kindhearted and sensitive individuals, uncomfortable with the notion they might have hurt someone.

• Bullying

As time goes by and the victim goes numb to previous ones, the strategies start to get more aggressive. They bully the victim into believing they have to be there for them. The vampire might create a sense of owing it to them or that the victim is the only one who can help.

• Intimidation

The next, more aggressive, step is outright intimidation, where they might threaten doing something drastic if the victim doesn’t comply.

The first two strategies can be used on anyone, acquaintances, family or friends. Bullying and intimidation require a close relationship, otherwise they create a negative reaction sufficient enough to break them off completely.

How can the victim protect themself?

First, they need to accept that it is ok to say ‘no’ to others, and that they are not obligated to provide constant and immediate attention to someone’s problems. Setting emotional boundaries is a useful skill to adopt not only for dealing with energy vampires, but people in general.

If a tactful but direct ‘no’ is still not a possibility, the other option is just finding effective excuses. One good excuse strategy for energy vampires is the ‘broken wing’. It involves making yourself look like a bad target by saying how you are feeling down yourself, or tired. The assumption here is that the vampire will feel they won’t get full attention and find a more vibrant victim.

If all else fails, and there is no way to stop them from exercising their strategies, the last resort can be to break off from such a person completely. Protecting oneself from energy vampires is important, especially if they are someone encountered on a daily basis or someone close. Constant exposure to this kind of behavior can leave a person chronically stressed, anxious and even depressed. So, besides striving to be a kindhearted human willing to help everyone, don’t forget to be kind to yourself as well.